By Rocky "Jack the Riffer" Paterra

For those who don't know, riffing is a more colloquial way of describing vocal melisma. "Melisma" essentially is one syllable being stretched by a singer over the course of many notes.

There are various techniques and methods of melisma brought to us by a plethora of the greats ranging from Aguilerian to Houstonian approaches.

The art of riffing is sacred and should be treated as such. I look back on my journey of riffing with both pride and shame. 

The moment I sang my first professional riff was during a rehearsal of "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" by Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand, a song I absolutely should not have been riffing on in the first place.

And who can forget when I thought it'd be well received to riff every note of a light choral tune during a community theatre production of "Anything Goes?" Was it in any way appropriate to the role or the musical style? It sure wasn't.

Listen, riffing can be a beautiful, wonderful, religious experience.

But, society sometimes pressures singers to riff all of the time in order to feel that they've given a quality vocal performance. I want to shed singers of that pressure, and because I was raised through the Catholic school system, it seemed that my only way to make a change was to develop my own Ten Commandments of Riffing:

1. Thou shall not riff for the sake of riffing

If a song is, say, an order at Chipotle, riffs should be the guac, not the carnitas.

2. Thou shall not take the national anthem in vain

It is admittedly tempting to employ the Aguilerian method of riffing for this song, but I urge you to not. The Houstonian school of riffing works much more effectively in this instance.

3. Honor thy father and mother of riffing

I live for the drama of Mariah Carey being really upset with Celine Dion for trying to riff alongside Aretha Franklin during a 1998 performance on MTV Divas Live.

4. Remember the melody, keep it holy

The only documented exception to this rule is, ironically, Mariah Carey's 1993 version of "O Holy Night."

5. Thou shall honor Tori Kelly

If you must ask about this one, then I urge you to do your homework. 

6. Thou shall match riffs in perfect synchronization with thy duet partner.

See Justin Guarini/Kelly Clarkson's key change in "Timeless" from their contractually required cult classic "From Justin to Kelly."

7. Let riffing come from thy heart, not thy head

You can learn the notes of a riff. You can spend days practicing its technical ins and outs.

But, as Zac Efron almost said in "High School Musical," getcha heart in the game. Getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha, heart in the game.

8. Thou shall not steal (other artists' famous riffs)

Save that malarkey for karaoke night.

9. Harness thine energy of thy riffing hand

I am right-handed, but I carry my riffs in my left hand. Where in your body do you hold your riffs?

10. Thou shall riff around thy money note

Stand strong in your power note while effectively dressing it with your chosen riffs, not unlike a Thanksgiving turkey surrounded by an aesthetic array of dark greens, cranberries, and apple slices.

If you still have questions, then you're beyond any kind of help I am qualified to provide.

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